Da bin ich wieder, bei meiner Schwester in Walldorf.
Eigentlich hatte ich ganz andere Pläne. Ich hatte vor bis Ende Juli in Neuseeland zu sein, den August mit meiner Familie in Deutschland zu verbringen und im Herbst dann wieder nach Kandada zu fliegen, wo ich seit fast 9 Jahren lebe. Aber es ist anders gekommen. Meine Schwester ist das Herz und Rückrat unserer Familie. Als ich, vor fast zwanzig Jahren, mit meinen beiden Söhnen, nach 13 jährigem Aufenthalt in Nigeria, in Deutschland ankam, nahm sie uns auf. Auch als ich vor einigen Jahren in einer Beziehungskrise steckte, konnte ich bei ihr unterkommen. Na ja, da bin ich wieder. Erneut gibt es einen Umbruch in meinem Leben und ich bin dankbar hier sein zu können und mich neu ausrichten zu können. Meine liebe Schwester, ich danke dir dafür, dass du mir auch bei dieser Bruchlandung wieder zur Seite stehst. Es ist nicht einfach in diesem Blogartikel öffentlich von meiner erneuten Bruchlandung zu schreiben. Vieles in meinem Leben ist eher ungewöhnlich als der Norm entsprechend. Ich mag mein Leben und bin froh, dass ich mich auf die innere Erkundungsreise voll einlassen kann. Es ist aber auch peinlich mit 57 Jahren keine finanzielle Stabilität erreicht zu haben und mich mit der daraus folgenden Unsicherheit auseinander setzen zu müssen. Dass ich jetzt hier in Deutschland gelandet bin, fühlt sich an wie eine Bruchlandung. Aber ist es das wirklich, oder könnte es auch eine glückliche Fügung sein? Wenn ich ehrlich bin und die Scham zur Seite schiebe, dann kann ich sagen, dass ich froh bin hier zu sein. Es fühlt sich so an als wäre ich endlich bei mir angekommen und auch endlich bereit mit der Arbeit zu beginnen, die mir so sehr am Herzen liegt. Bei meiner Arbeit geht´s ums Herz, darum nenne ich sie ja auch herzenszentrierte Bewussheit. Allerdings geht es mir in erster Linie darum selbst mit offenem Herzen leben zu können. Mein Herz immer weiter zu öffnen, mich dem Jetzt, mir selbst, anderen Menschen und dem Leben allgemein immer bewusster zuwenden zu können, ist meine tiefste Sehnsucht. Dass ich jetzt längere Zeit in Deutschland bin, ermöglicht es mir auch, das was ich in der Ferne gelernt und erfahren habe, zu meinem Heimatland zurück zu bringen. Ich liebe die Westküste Kanadas und ich glaube, dass die Einsichten und Erlebnisse, die ich dort erlangt habe auch mit dem „spirt of the West Coast“ zu tun haben. Es weht dort nicht nur ein frischer Wind, weil es am pazifischen Ozean liegt, ich finde, dass dort auch eine geistige frische Brise dem Herzöffnen und Bewusstwerden neue Dimensionen verleiht. Auf jeden Fall beginnt ein neues Kapitel in meinem Leben und ich bin gespannt, was es bringen wird.
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![]() I had heard of belly breathing, or diaphragm breathing for years over and over again. When I tried it, it didn’t work. I was so tense and out of sync with the natural flow of my breath that I dismissed this breathing technique as ‘that’s not for me.’ Last year I came across a YouTube video by Bob van Oosterhout explaining natural rhythmic breathing (his term for diaphragmatic breathing). He explained the basic functions of our autonomous nervous system and I FINALLY GOT IT. I understood why belly breathing is such an efficient tool to release stress and return to a natural state of balance. Please let me share with you what I learned.
In my case, I did more belly breathing after I understood its benefits, but I wasn’t motivated enough to really make it a priority. That changed a couple of months ago when I was faced with extremely stressful life circumstances. That’s when I put my knowledge into practice. I made BB a priority and it worked like a charm. I could sleep again. I could move through an extended period of high-level stress with relative ease. This stress period ended a week ago and I am amazed to experience how balanced and lighthearted I am. There is no residue of the stress I experienced in my body or mind. It’s an amazing feeling that makes me a strong and passionate advocate for Belly Breathing. May 2019
I’ve had some deeply spiritual experiences in my life, but they never included meeting an elder, a wise woman or man. I often found the right book or information when I needed it on my journey of self-discovery but not until a couple of weeks ago had I had a truly magical encounter with another person. For the past seven months most of my energy was focused on a new love relationship. I knew from the beginning that the relationship wasn’t going to be easy, but I was confident I could handle the upcoming challenges. I made some significant changes in my life. I gave up my source of income in Canada and followed my sweetheart to New Zealand. New Zealand enchanted me with its beauty. The rolling hills, long sandy beaches, ocean swims, and hot spring soaks deeply nourished me. I thrive being in nature. Feeling the earth under my feet and the sky above me I feel connected to the source of life. The relationship part had been very tumultuous and challenging. At some point I became aware that I was re-enacting some aspects of early childhood trauma. Having explored practices of self-regulation and having learned valuable lessons about healing of trauma through Peter Levine’s work I knew I was engaged in healing some deep and old wounds. One evening after a relaxing day at a hot springs campground I was in the warm water of the pool the sun was setting and I saw an elderly woman trying to enter the pool. The water was to deep for her. Her feet couldn’t reach the ground and she couldn’t swim, that is what she told me. We effortlessly engaged in a conversation at the steps leading into the pool. I am an introvert and usually avoid talking to strangers but what she shared fascinated me and I felt deeply engaged. She told me about her family and background. Being Maori meant for her to be deeply connected to the land, to her extensive family and her ancestors. Her parents had four children of their own, she, being the oldest, and adopted 15 children into the family. Now those children had children and she enjoyed the multi generational and multicultural family life they shared. Our conversation flowed and touched on the topic of race, racism, the sense of rootedness and belonging, and our purpose of being here on this earth. I told her about my children who have their roots in Nigeria and Germany and the problems that has created for them. In the end I told her about how I have struggled with the sense of not belonging. Having been born in 1961 out of wedlock and being separated from my mother after birth for 6 weeks, had a deep impact on me. Growing up with an alcoholic step father intensified those issues and I felt like living in a milky glass bubble. I was inside the bubble, imprisoned and isolated, life was out there for other people to engage with. When I told this beautiful Maori woman about my struggle her face lit up with warmth and compassion. She reassured me that I am a precious gift for the earth and that I have a right to be here. That I can now leave this old wound behind me and move forward and that she wanted to give me a blessing in her language, Maori. The two of us were sitting in the hot spring pool with other people around us, but it felt as if we were the only people present at this moment, deeply connected on a heart level and involved in a sacred ceremony. She stood up and gave me her blessing in Maori. I couldn’t understand the words, but I could feel a gentle wave of compassion and healing washing over me. I was sitting in the water that came out of mother earth’s depth, hot and enriched with minerals. I could feel how special and sacred this moment was. After a couple of minutes, the Maori grandmother finished her blessing and acknowledging that this was a very special encounter for both of us, she walked away with a smile and a wave of her hand to say good bye. My life is changing now, I’m on my way to leave the relationship I was in, I’m on my way to leave beautiful, enchanting New Zealand and I’m on my way to fly to Germany to live with my family for the coming months. But most of all I am on my way to walk differently on this earth, walk with a lighter, and more joyful heart. This encounter with the Maori grandmother has shown me that I was still suffering from an inner sense of homelessness. I have been on a healing journey for many years now, but deep-rooted issues show up in layers. When one level is addressed and healed a deeper aspect can show up to be addressed and healed. I am deeply grateful for the blessing I got from the Maori grandmother and I feel deeply blessed to be on this journey we call life. May we all walk softly on mother earth. May we all live with a sense of belonging and worthiness. May we all be at ease and at peace. |
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